Not Good Enough
by The Sky Pirate
Summary: YouheiSakuRyo. Oh no! Saeka's attempting to write an angsty fic for the first time! Run for your lives! Aaaaah! Oo


A/N: Yay, my first angsty Ryoma POV fic. Please don't kill me! Aaaah! *hides in cupboard* In some ways I guess you can say this is sort of RyoSaku but it's also a new pairing I tried to introduce before (it's a terrible fic, dont read it. I was inexperienced with ff.net when i wrote it) which is Youhei x Sakuno. In case some of you don't remember, Youhei is the purple-haired lad from Jyousei Shounan. ^_^ I'm sort of obsessed with the Tanaka twins so...yeah...anyhow, enjoy! ^_^  
  
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I never thought of Ryuzaki as anything more than an aquaintance. Not even much of a friend. I didn't even know how I felt about her until I saw what happened that day after school.  
  
There had been an after-school Seigaku meeting so by the time I was ready to leave, many of my classmates had already gone home. I noticed Ryuzaki sitting under a tree, reading a book. Perhaps she was waiting for someone? Anyhow, it wasn't my business and I didn't care. Maybe it was the pink sakura falling into her hair or her peaceful expression while reading, something drove me to watch her from where I stood. Ryuzaki seemed so serene, tranquil, care-free, something I found was an exact opposite from me. It was as if in that moment, her beauty that I had ignored for so long hit me full-force in the face. Chocolate hair, lustrous and smooth. Mahogany eyes, filled with cheerful sparkle. Cherry lips, both tempting and forbidden. I felt a certain possessiveness. Just watching her, eased my senses greatly.  
  
She looked up suddenly in my direction and smiled warmly. Had she seen me? The smile felt like a thousand daggers as soon as I realized it was not meant for me but for another boy. I felt betrayed and soon Jealousy reared its ugly head. A dark part of my mind that I usually ignored stirred and brought bad thoughts to my attention. I wondered what she was doing as the purple-haired boy walked up to her. Could it be that she was divulging Seigaku's secrets to this boy? I narrowed my eyes. Ryuzaki would never do something as shameful as that. She was putting her book in her bag now; tapered and elegant fingers touching the binding lovingly.  
  
I paused to think about the boy. I knew him from somewhere and I remembered seeing him play tennis. I also knew he was from Jyousei Shounan, most probably that crazy woman's "masterpiece". Tanaka Youhei. The name slapped me across the face and stung like a wasp. One of the Duo Union twins. I watched as Tanaka fingered the single turquoise streak in his hair while keeping his other hand in his pocket. What on earth were those two up to?  
  
A single action confirmed my worse fears. Ryuzaki reached out, held Tanaka's hand and kissed him. Anger and hurt surged through me but I simply stared in disbelief. As a tennis player, I had won many prizes and, I thought, Ryuzaki's admiration. It seemed that I was wrong. It couldn't be. I was never wrong, never a loser. I always got what I wanted. The greatest prize of all had been under my nose the entire time but now that I had seen it, I couldn't have it. Ryuzaki would always be a forbidden desire of mine.  
  
The next day, I caught her after class. I wanted to know why she was going out witha guy like Tanaka. I cared for her. She looked at me sadly and said that she knew he cared for her and he was not ashamed in showing it. I felt a storm tearing me apart inside. Wasn't I a better tennis player than Tanaka? How could she just brush me off like that after years of admiration? Any other fangirl would probably jump for joy if I had told them that I cared for them as I said to Ryuzaki but then again, she wasn't just any other fangirl. Her expression changed from sad to frustrated to sad again.  
  
Tearfully, she said, "I did love you once, Ryoma-kun, but you ignored me so many times You hurt me so much. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to wait for you to see my feelings but I couldn't wait forever, you know. You can't treat me like a pretty accessory to hang on your arm. Tennis isn't the thing, Ryoma-kun. It's the person that counts. I'm happy right now with Youhei-kun. Please don't hurt me again by saying you love me now."  
  
Since that day, I fell into oblivion. I couldn't play anymore. I missed every shot, hit each serve too hard and I even lost a game to Horio (a/n: oh, horror of horrors! Poor Ryoma!). Things that everyone I knew had said about love spinned through my mind and teased me. Tennis isn't the only thing in life, that's no way to treat a girl, you have to learn to be more mature. It seemed that Tanaka hated me as well. I still remember how he smirked and looked at me.  
  
"Mada Mada Dane," he quoted. Gritting my teeth and trying to resist the urge to hit him, I walked past.  
  
"Maa, who would want to go out with a mediocre girl like that?" I lied.  
  
"Sou ka. And you weren't good enough for that girl," Tanaka said while grinning and running fingers through his hair.  
  
I walked away but as soon as he couldn't see me, I broke into a run. I wanted to leave everything behind me. Everything. I touched my racquet. It was the red one I had always used in front of Ryuzaki. I leaned against the wall and felt the cool frame of the racquet touch my forehead. I felt like crying but reminded myself that the strong don't cry. I looked up and felt the wind caress my face. It was beautiful day. I took out my tennis ball and began to practice against the wall. I played until dusk, until my hand was sore, bruised and burning. Quietly, I sat down on the grass and looked up at the sky. It was a good night to watch the stars come out. I wasn't good enough for her. I smiled sadly. It was really quite ironic. I was the best tennis player there ever was but that was not enough. Turns out, not everything is as it seems. I'll keep that in mind as a lesson for myself. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to show everyone who I am.  
  
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Was that good? I read it over and over again after I wrote it but something seems to be missing. I can't help but think that this fic is mediocre. *sigh* Probably because I wrote it at 5:00 am because I couldn't sleep until I got the story on the computer. *yawn* I'm sleepy. If anyone feels that they know what's missing please tell me. -_- I'm never going to stay up so late to write a story again. *dies* 


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